Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Today's Lesson

My Mini Cooper is sick…the transmission is falling apart (exact words of the service manager). Fortunately, I purchased an extended warranty and she’s covered. The transmission is $5,000 and with labor it will run approximately $8,000. I have to admit that I was nervous about the warranty. What if I read it wrong? What if this part isn’t covered? What if I can’t get it fixed? This is the chatter of the monkey mind that I mentioned (if thoughts are things) yesterday. I called the dealership where I purchased the car and they told me that I had to take my car to a Mini/BMW dealership because they don’t repair them. My mind leaped into all possibilities. What if, How come…etc. The service manager gave me the warranty number and I called the Mini dealership. They said they were busy, there was no way they could service my Mini and I would have to make an appointment for another day. I said okay and hung up. Told my significant other and he drove the car to the dealership and lo and behold my Donald Shimoda got them to take the car AND give us a loaner. I was speechless. This bought a new awareness to me… “Donald” is a manifester.

While he doesn’t “believe” in the LOA or is not “into metaphysics” he’s a natural with this. So I began to analyze (cause that’s what this Virgo does) and so many things came to mind. I believe the worst will happen. While “Donald” believes that as well..I love his thought pattern “he say prepare for the worst but expect the best” and he often asks me “what’s the worst that can happen?” and he plans from that point to the best. Reaching the best scenario – he dwells on it. He also doesn’t let anything stick to him. He “appears” to never worry. Why should he? “Donald” has me to do the worrying! His concept lets me see that the worst that can happen isn’t as bad you think it is. For instance, I don’t ride roller coasters. Why you may ask? I’ll be the one in the car that flies off the track and I’ll die. “Donald” says “how many times has that happened? Why do you think it will happen to you? Do you really believe that you are that special? Out of 20 roller coaster cars YOURS will derail and fly off the track? How realistic is that?” “Donald asks. I stand there feeling silly, laughing nervously and calculating that it will still happen (this is what I spoke of yesterday – thoughts become things…I am always thinking the worse – what if I cross the street here, I’ll get hit…these things NEVER come anywhere near fruition – thank God!).

I, on the other hand, plan for the worse and stay there. Now this is a powerful belief system for me. As the response was this morning: a belief is a thought that you think over and over AND I admit, I never viewed it that way but I like that idea. My beliefs are not my beliefs. They are my Mother’s beliefs – I just latched onto them or acquired them over time. This fear has been programmed and I allowed it. This is code within me. My life coach encouraged me to take a look at my beliefs and those that did not serve me or no longer served me needed to be eliminated. This goes back to comfort zone. Oh but it is so glorious to think these thoughts…I have always thought them and it is so familiar. As my 12 step program says “If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got, and you'll always feel what you always felt.” I’m tired of feeling this way yet I gravitate to the same feelings AGAIN.

So today…I have taken the time to sit in each “odd” feeling and see where it comes from. BTW, I am surprisingly calm right now. As each feeling/emotion came to the surface, I asked why? Most of it was inherent, inane imaginings. As I mentioned, my Mother was/is in a constant state of fear. I know a lot comes from her. As each situation presented itself, instead of allowing fear to rule, I asked a series of questions: Where did “you” come from? What is “your” purpose? What is it “you” want? What, if anything, are “you” attempting to teach me or to prove? Some answers came immediately – others lingered, went away and then came back. This process is time consuming but it kept my mind engaged in the present – not the murky fearful mistakes of the past and not the uncertain fears of the future. Today’s Daily OM was great confirmation for me!

All day I have been trying to visualize and reach for the next best feeling and nothing worked. I know LOA is like everything else in our lives – we have to see what fits/resonates with us. Trial and error isn’t a bad thing. I didn’t have the luxury of making mistakes growing up or in my adult life so this is an interesting concept to be able to say “this doesn’t work for me and I am not going to try and make it work. I shall move on to something else.” I always viewed that behavior as failure.

I am having a blast learning today. Thanks all for allowing me to discover, learn and share!

I am a member of several Yahoo groups and when one member posts something she almost always says "if it resonates with you use it..if not let it go." This was MAJOR for me. I grew up with a mindset that if it is here in front of you - it's for you. Spirit put it here and it is a sin not to take it and use it. This resulted in being inundated with information, information overload and chronic forgetfulness. Who wouldn't forget when you have so much stored? Especially items stored that aren't for your use or edification - just useless stuff stored for party/game trivia or for the appearance of being a know-it-all (and yes...that is what I wanted).

I love being able to sign up for a blog, for information, and when it doesn't speak to me, I don't feel "obligated" to continue receiving or reading it. Very liberating for me.

The mistake "thing" flows over at work. I have four people I deal with (heavily) and they all have four very different opinions and motives. I will give them something to review and all four will have four different comments. Initially, when I saw the mark ups I felt inadequate. No, I didn't ask myself why but I suspect it was an expectation, which my "Donald" says "expectations are resentments waiting to happen." I expected myself to know what each person wanted to say or how they wanted to say it. I expected that the document was perfect with no mistakes. I expected that I knew better than my other colleagues. I treated these mark ups as personal attacks and this belief kept me bound. I'd be sick to my stomach when I submitted items to the team - just knowing they would rip it apart. Some of the comments are "controlling" and I just laugh them off. Sometimes they comment to get "back" at each other. It has become a game to me and it is humorous to see adults behaving this way.

I always preached this to my daughter "you are not a failure if you learn something from the experience." It's easier to say it than to believe it. I obviously didn't believe it or worse...I never learned from failure of mistakes. I kept pounding my head against a brick wall. "Ouch that hurts" or as "Donald" says "if it hurts when you move your arm like that...stop moving your arm like that."

Pretty simple stuff, hunh?

1 comment:

Gratitude Attitude said...

Ha! Sounds like me and my significant other. I'm grateful to have him to balance me out sometimes!

(I found your blog through the LOA Yahoo Groups.)

- Millie