PLEASE NOTE: This post was drafted in September 2012. Things have really changed since then.
I've been in some form of 12 step program for four years. CODA, ACA and Al-Anon. I've worked the program. I've read the literature. These programs have helped me tremendously.
For the past two weeks, I've been assessing things. Let's rehash my two weeks:
I sat in my space at work and thought - I'm sandwiched between two little boys. They yell, they have rubber band fights, they throw rubber balls, they toss pens into the ceiling tiles and I'm tired. I am responsible for every single legal document that leaves our office and I need to concentrate. I was getting ready to send my Manager an email to ask for this office. This office has been vacant five years. Occasionally, someone will sit in it for a few hours (offsite staff) and we had an auditor use for a day four years ago. As fate would have it...I chickened out and didn't ask.
Monday I arrive to work to find my space flooded from a tenant leak. I figured...okay God..what is it you are trying to say? I presented my case and got the office or so I thought.
I ended up having to move back to my old space. I got a rather disturbing email from my Manager and I went into a spin. I was hurt, offended and angry.
I wanted to cry! I wanted to quit but I attended 12 step meetings and asked God what he was trying to tell me. The answer didn't come quickly but over a course several weeks - I realized it was time for me to move on.
Change...that is a hard topic with difficult ramifications. I hate change. I'm a Virgo - I need and crave stability. Even if it is bad stability...I need it. My previous relationship, my previous job (for that matter every job I have ever had) - I stayed much longer than I should have and needed to.
Last Christmas, I took off two weeks and stayed home with my fiance. We had a blast. I returned to work and the situation was still the same. I tried changing my approach, I let things go but I was still miserable. I had been in communication with a recruiter and I called her and within two weeks I interviewed. I had two interviews in one week and then a meeting with the Managing Director. I thought - how neat is this. The Managing Director wants to talk to me. We had a great conversation and before I returned to my office, I had a job offer. I talked it over and took it. Then...I had to put in my notice. While I knew it was time for me leave - I was a nervous wreck. Why? This job, was familiar and I had feelings of over commitment.
As with most things, I held off and held off and finally, a power stronger than me, propelled me into my Manager's office and I delivered my two weeks notice. The words flowed effortlessly and I didn't feel anything other than relief.
That was over three months ago! I am in a new industry, doing new things, meeting new people and loving my job, my colleagues and my life.
A little letting go...is all you need.
What's holding you back?
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