Large homes, large SUVs, large purchases and large consumption is what has run this country and many of us into the ground. Two years ago as I said the most powerful word known to man. This simple word had more impact on my life than anything else I can think of…I said the word “NO”. As 10+ years of relationship came to a screeching halt with that simple word – my life blossomed like never before.
A friend of mine says “Move a muscle, change a thought” and I did just that. With that word, my world came to a screeching halt (or I thought it did). I moved out of my home with my possessions. And I had possessions!!!! My poor movers just stood there. I moved a HUGE bedroom set, a HUGE sofa and living room, HUGE appliances and a HUGE collection of extremely high end clothes, sheets, gadgets and everything in between from 3,500 sf into 2,300 sf. OH THE HORROR!
I adore my little home but it took me awhile to find my authentic self and to realize what was important and exactly what I could survive without. As I moved my items into my home, all I could do was laugh. There were boxes and boxes and boxes of memories, fun, sadness and possessions. I laughed so long and so hard that I ended up on a heap on my sofa. Boxes were everywhere. Not only am I a victim of excess, I am also a victim of service. I have always had others to do things for me and now I had the daunting task of unpacking. Oh…the horror!!!! As I made my way through these boxes I chuckled even more. I gave away things, tossed things and had a lot of WTF moments when I asked myself “WTF was I thinking when I bought this”. I mused to my friends that I would write a book and entitle it “My life in boxes”.
In this resurgence of self I realized many things. My friends asked me why I was so agitated in my new space. I had no idea. Then it descended upon me like a ton of bricks. At 46, I was alone! ALONE!!!! By myself!!! OH THE HORROR!!!!! I went to college, got married, had a child, got divorced and was always in the presence of someone (lover, daughter, etc.) Now I realize I am only responsible for myself. do not have to worry about my daughter. She is an adult and on her own. I don’t have to worry about school districts or cart her or her friends to movies, to school, to practice (and while I miss that – a part of me is relieved). I can live wherever I want to live. OH THE HORROR. This means I have to be responsible for MY actions. I can’t blame you if something goes wrong!!!!!!
I realized that I had never lived by myself! I live in this lovely home alone (because my SigOt, short for Significant Other) is on a short assignment in another state. This was the first time and the first place where I could be me (whoever that was). This is the first time in my 46 years that I moved into a place and made it MINE. With much encouragement, love and support from my SigOt (“Honey, this is your home, if you want it” he said sweetly) I took off like a spinning top. I moved, I rearranged, I sold, I gave away, I mused, I cried, I pondered, I wondered and I changed. I painted the entire downstairs – the colors I wanted – burlap, yam and I finally had my red (Claret) dining room. As I sat on my sofa, a few nights ago, I heard a small still voice say to me “This is YOUR home” and I cried.
Because of a bitter ex – I relinquished (not without a fight) my 4WD, 6 cylinder, 15 mpg, beast master Jeep. To think, this was a gift from someone I planned to spend the rest of my life with and she wouldn’t give me the title to the vehicle – instead she demanded it back. My attorney intervened and she went silent. Driving home one night with expired tags, the vehicle was impounded and guess what? I had NO feelings about it. It was no longer a symbol of love. It had become just a car. As I stood in the parking lot of a Big Lots calling cab companies, an Angel appeared and gave me a ride home. My Angel, Kimberly, in her youth, imparted so much to me. I took her words and still hold them close.
I stand here two years later – wise, smarter, healthier, authentic, happy, blissful, smaller, humble, patient, and glorious. To complete my downsizing – I moved (with much resistance) into a Mini Cooper. I love my little car. I know present to you…My Mini Cooper!!!
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